how to plan a non-traditional wedding that feels like you

there is a funny thing that happens when you start planning a wedding. suddenly, people hand you a very long list of things you are apparently supposed to do. for example, you should get ready separately, have a first look, share a first dance and traditional vows, among many other things.

but none of those things are actually requirements. nicole and oliver’s wedding was such a good example of what can happen when you keep the parts that mean something to you and happily leave the rest behind.

their vision was a light, fun garden party where they could throw a genuinely great party for the people they love. they got ready together with their dog, Akira. there was no first look because… they had already spent the morning together. there was no first look, no grand entrances, no first dance, no parent dances, and once cocktail hour started, they wanted to just be there and enjoy the party.

and you know what? it still very much looked and felt like a wedding.

how to plan your non-traditional wedding

when planning your day, ask yourselves: what do we actually want to experience on our day?

don’t think about expectations, what your cousin did or what other people online tell you to do. what sounds fun for you?

nicole and oliver wanted to spend time together, eat an incredible meal, listen to live music, hang out with their friends and family, and have photographs that reflected what the day felt like. that became the backbone of everything else.

yes, you can get ready together

getting ready separately is probably one of the oldest wedding-day traditions, but there is absolutely no rule saying you need to do it. nicole and oliver got ready together in the prep house with their pup akira. they helped each other get dressed, talked with family, had drinks, and eased into the wedding without being separated from each other.

that also means they didn’t need a first look. a first look is wonderful if you want one, because it can help with timeline, calm your nerves, and give you a private moment before the ceremony. but if you have spent the entire morning together, walking around a corner and pretending you have not seen each other yet would be… a little silly, so we didn’t.

private vows can still happen during your ceremony

this might have been one of my favorite choices of the whole wedding. nicole and oliver exchanged their vows during the ceremony, but they played loud ambient music so their guests could witness the moment without actually hearing what they were saying to each other.

i love this idea for couples who want the intimacy of private vows but still want that exchange to be part of the ceremony. your guests get to watch you hold hands, laugh, cry, and react to each other without hearing a word.

there are so many ways to structure vows, so you don’t have to read them in front of your guests out loud. you can exchange them alone earlier in the day during the first look, write letters, or save them until later in the evening. you get to decide who hears them.

give your guests something interesting to experience

another part of the day that felt very nicole and oliver was the music. cellojoe performed for the processional, using cello, live looping, and beatboxing to build music in real time. later, they had a ska band playing during the reception.

this is where non-traditional wedding planning gets really fun because there are many amazing options for entertainment. 

leanne from Paint My Wedding Day was also there painting the celebration live, and she was wonderful to work alongside. live painting is one of those wedding additions I really enjoy because it does two things at once. it gives guests something interesting to watch throughout the day, and the couple ends up with an original piece of artwork afterward.

between the live music, painting, tasting menu, ice cream truck, and garden setting, Nicole and Oliver gave their guests and themselves plenty to enjoy!

make dinner an event if food is one of your priorities

nicole and oliver made the meal a major part of the experience. surrell catered a long tasting-menu dinner, which was perfect for the kind of evening they wanted. they specialize in custom private dining and catering experiences, including multi-course and tasting menus built around pacific northwest ingredients and seasonality.

finish your portraits before the reception if being present matters more

nicole and oliver wanted all of their formal portraits finished before cocktail hour and the reception began. once the party started, they did not want to disappear for another portrait session. they wanted to be there and enjoy the party, so we planned around that.

we handled family photographs, couple portraits, and everything requiring any direction before the reception. once guests started mingling, eating, drinking, listening to music, and celebrating, my approach switched almost entirely to documentary coverage.

i talk much more about this in my guide to candid vs documentary vs editorial vs cinematic wedding photography, but this is exactly why I do not believe a photographer needs to subscribe to one rigid style all day. there are parts of a wedding where direction is useful, and then there are parts where the best thing I can possibly do is leave you alone and pay attention. a seasoned wedding photographer should know the difference.

finding a photographer for your non-traditional wedding

if you are planning a wedding that does not follow the standard format, you need vendors who are not going to spend the entire planning process trying to steer you back toward one. your photographer especially needs to understand what matters to you because we have a surprising amount of influence over how the day flows.

if you tell me that you do not want sunset portraits because you would rather eat dinner with your friends, I am not going to convince you that you need them. i might explain the tradeoff, so you can make an informed the decision, but the final goal is not to create my fantasy portfolio. it is to photograph your wedding.

i have photographed hundreds of weddings, and i know the traditional timeline backwards. that experience actually makes it easier to break the rules because i understand what each piece is accomplishing and whether we need to replace it with something else.

no first look? cool, we will plan portraits differently. want to be done with formal portraits ahead of reception? absolutely! i am here to photograph your day in a way that feels good to you and deliver gorgeous photos afterward.

nicole + oliver’s garden party wedding at bella luna farms

nicole and oliver held their wedding at bella luna farms, about 30 minutes north of seattle. the property is so beautiful surrounded by gardens, ponds, orchards, stonework and lush outdoor spaces. their wedding dinner was held beneath a sailcloth tent on the south lawn, surrounded by greenery, which suited the relaxed garden-party atmosphere perfectly.

nicole wore a stunning floral halter-neck wedding dress, while oliver wore a rich brown three-piece suit. their dinner stretched leisurely into the evening, Street Treats rolled in with ice cream, a live painter worked her magic during the night, and eventually everyone ended up dancing to a ska band under the trees.

it felt like Nicole and Oliver invited everyone they love over for one hell of a garden party, which, quite frankly, is an excellent way to have a wedding.

if you’re still looking for your seattle wedding photographer, i specialize in documenting intimate weddings and elopements across seattle and the pnw, with a focus on real connection, timeless edits, and making you feel like yourself in front of the camera. 

you can check out my wedding packages right here. can’t wait to hear what you’re planning. click here to get in touch.